lavender summers and lilac dreams.

Even though the ceremony lasted 2 hours, with most of it consisting of names upon names being called out as graduates crossed the stage to receive their diploma cover, it all seems like a blur now. That goes for my whole college career as well. It’s crazy how fast 4 years fly by! Now I hardly know what to do with myself - no more school work taking up my time. I guess that means I can spend more time reading, enjoying the nice weather and watching shows on Netflix. Oh yeah, and figuring out what I want to do with my life too :)

There’s only 4 days left until I graduate college. 4 days!! I can’t believe it. These past 4 years really did fly by - it’s crazy how time seems to slip by without you even noticing.

I have to say though, I am really glad to be moving on from this stage in my life. While I did enjoy college and all of my experiences meeting new people, I’m ready to go out into the “real world.” I’ve been ready for a while now. I’m ready to be free from the stresses of school, to have my life be my own again, free to do whatever I want with my time, instead of devoting most of it to school. I’m ready to be a young adult out in the “real world,” seeing where life takes me. 

All I have left to do before I’m officially done with school is take an “exam” tonight (which is more like a quiz - 10 multiple choice questions, taking 15 minutes max) and finish up a Spanish research paper by tomorrow at 5 pm. And then I can kick back and relax for a few days before I walk across the stage on Sunday. 

Oh my goodness, I am so incredibly excited.

I crave for the day when my weekends aren’t dictated by homework, studying and the constant nagging in the back of my mind that I should really be productive instead of procrastinating doing whatever it is I’m doing.

I crave for the day when I can go out to lunch on a Saturday with my best friend and turn a simple lunch into a long afternoon adventure, without anything to do but spend time together.

I crave for the day when I can go out and explore on the weekends. Explore small coffee shops, explore the bookshelves of the local library, spending hours looking through each aisle, explore myself, simply by sitting somewhere and people watching or blogging or reading. I crave for the day when I have the free time to do so without the fear of consequences (cramming homework in later). 

I crave for the day when I can wake up early on a Saturday and sit by the window with the sun streaming in and read. Read for hours without stopping.

I crave for the day when I can enjoy every single day of the weekend, not just part of it. I crave for the day when I no longer dread Sundays, the evil day when I have to finish all of the homework I should’ve been doing all weekend, the day right before the beginning of another week of class. I crave for the day when I look forward to Sundays, the day of rest. When I can cherish each day of the weekend and prepare for the week ahead.

I crave for the day when, after I come home from a long day of work, or whatever, I can relax for the rest of the evening. When I can do whatever I would like to, like catch up on TV shows, or read, or watch a movie, and not have to devote my evening to homework. 

I crave for the day when my learning isn’t something that I have to be constantly tested on. When I can simply learn something for the joy of learning something new, not because a professor dictates that I should. 

I crave for the day when Saturdays are days of reunions: meeting up with a friend for lunch or coffee, spending time with my nieces and nephew, wholeheartedly enjoying each moment I have with them.

I crave for the day when I am free from the burden of homework, class, exams, grades, all of that scary stuff that society pushes onto you and pressures you into doing well at. As much as I am grateful for my education, after 17 straight years of schooling, I am ready to be done for a while. That is not to say I won’t go back to grad school or something in the future, but as for my immediate future, I am looking forward to being done with school for the time being.

I simply crave a simpler life, one where I can spend a Saturday afternoon listening to a really good album or reading a good book. That sounds so good to me right now.

I am so glad that it is March. February flew by, I can’t even believe it. It felt just like yesterday that I rushed home the day Eleanor was born, and yet that was at the beginning of February! I hope March goes by just as quickly, especially since it’s my least favorite month. 

1. Watched my 9 year old nephew Cole’s indoor soccer game last Saturday. So cute. They’ve sort of grasped the concept of the game, but still don’t quite have the important techniques down like: pass the ball to someone on your team (and not just kick it anywhere) or: never put the ball in the middle right in front of your own goal. Oh well, they’ll get better. Cole’s team won though! :)

2. Wore matching outfits (on accident) with my 1.5 year old niece and goddaughter Lucy (the adorable red-headed one). Of course, she looked way cuter in her gray long sleeve shirt and jeggings though. She is getting so big so fast, I can hardly believe it.

3. Held my beautiful new niece Eleanor and marveled at how much different she looks already. A newborn can change a lot in 2 weeks! Seeing the resemblance between her and Lucy more and more. Also seeing a little mix of her older half-sister Maggie in there too. All in all, she is precious.

4. Seeing the launch of my sister-in-law Mary’s preschool and childcare center website! Opening up her own childcare center has been a dream of hers for years. I’m so excited to see it all coming together! 

5. Having lunch with one of my best and oldest friends Emily this past Sunday. It was so wonderful to just sit down and catch up with each other for a while. That girl is so busy, I’m glad our schedules lined up!

6. Receiving my niece Maggie’s “Flat Stanley” that she made in class. I’m ready to take her around and then send her back with some cool pictures :)

7. Getting a compliment from my sister-in-law on one of my Instagram pictures from last Friday, when I used my Pashmina scarf as a babuschka/head-wrap to keep my hair covered from the wet snow. I really do love that scarf, and I always receive compliments on it. I got it in Vienna, Austria when I was there on an orchestra trip my freshman year of high school. Just a random, impulse buy on the side of the road, that I meant to give to one of my friends, but later kept for myself. Good move on my part, I’d say!

8. Getting involved in the planning of a Disability Pride celebration. I’m so excited to get started with it and to meet all the wonderful people involved!

9. Receiving 95% on an exam that I thought didn’t go quite as well as the previous one. Good surprise :)

10. Going grocery shopping for a reception SAI will be catering this weekend and seeing how cheap the ingredients all cost, meaning we’ll be getting an even bigger profit from it :) So excited to get our catering service under way!

Looking forward to: Volunteering at Solo and Ensemble tomorrow with SAI, catering the reception on Sunday, making jam cakes for the reception, being able to read more this weekend and during the week, finishing my book and starting a new one.

This was a good week. 

1. Spending time with my SAI sisters over pizza on Sunday before our meeting.

2. Constantly texting, texting, texting about SAI. It made me realize just how much I love being President. It makes me so involved, so in control of what goes on constantly, behind the scenes. I like it.

3. Having 2 potential MITs show up to our event on Wednesday night!! Proud President moment, for sure. I’ve worked so hard to post flyers around and try to get the word out about SAI over these past couple of weeks. It’s hard work, man! But looks like it will be paying off!

4. Having a great time at the event on Wednesday night with one of our potential MITs. It was a relaxed, fun atmosphere, and it was great to spend some intimate time alone with a sister that I don’t usually get to hang out with/talk to much. Left that night on a high.

5. Seeing Warm Bodies with my roommates last night. It was worth all the hustle-bustle going from class to work to eating dinner real quick and then going to the movie. It was fun to all get out and hang out like that :) Plus it was a great way to spend Valentine’s Day, because I would’ve done homework and/or watched Downton Abbey instead.

6. Being told, “Have I ever told you that I love your little giggle? It’s so cute!” after Chinese lecture today by one of the good friends I’ve made through that class.

7. Being told, by that same guy, that I would look good in maroon. Yes, I dare say that would be a good color for me.

8. Finally receiving my W2 from work. Happy dance! (Should I be happy about this? Probably not. But considering it was mysteriously taking a long time to get to me, I was happy to see it turn up.) 

9. Noticing how much better I feel after eating healthier, lighter, smaller meals. Noticing how much better I feel when I cut back on my chocolate/sweets consumption and only treat myself occasionally. Noticing how icky I felt last night after eating too many sweets (that in the past I would’ve probably been able to eat all in one sitting, or at least 2) at the movie. Realizing that it’s a lot easier to eat healthier and cut back on chocolate/sweets than I thought. After only a few days of doing that, I can already hardly get back to my formerly “usual” eating routine, which is definitely a good thing.

10. Getting some reading-for-fun in during the week. I really need to do that more often, dedicate an hour or so each day to reading for fun. I need to finish the book that I started like a month ago! I still have 2 more I wanna read before they’re due next weekend!

Looking forward to: the SAI “Gal-entine’s” Day social tonight at my apartment, SAI’s spring pledging ceremony on Sunday, and going home next weekend to see my Eleanor.

I feel sexier in my favorite sweatshirt, yoga pants and glasses than in any sexy, slinky dress. And when I find a guy that thinks the same thing, I’m gonna hold onto him because he’s a keeper.

My family just welcomed our newest edition today, little Eleanor Kay. She is absolutely beautiful with dark brown, almost black hair and blue eyes. She has the most adorable cheeks and looks just like her daddy (my brother) and her older sister Lucy (my 1.5 year old adorable red-headed niece/goddaughter). She looks a lot like her mama though, too. She’s the perfect combination of them both. 

My mom texted me last night when my sister-in-law Mary went into labor. At the time, I was studying for a Spanish exam today, and once I received the text message, I lost all motivation. All I could think about was “baby.” I had a hard time sleeping last night too, since I was so excited. I had debated driving back home today in the afternoon or waiting until the weekend, and I finally decided to drive home today to meet her. I rushed back the day Lucy was born, and I just couldn’t wait to meet little Eleanor, so I did the same for her. There’s something so special about meeting and holding your niece on the day she’s born. She’s so new and precious and just a bundle of love. If anything’s a great stress reliever, holding a sleeping newborn is right at the top.

With our newest edition Eleanor, I now have 8 nieces and nephews. I feel so blessed to have 8 beautiful nieces and nephews, ranging in age from 11 years old to 22 hours old. It’s such an incredible blessing to have them in my life. I feel so blessed to have so many beautiful children in my life that I can love on and spend time with. Plus, to have so many nieces and nephews at such a young age (22), knowing there are even more on the way (2 of my brothers have yet to have kids) is so amazing. I’m the only one of my friends and even acquaintances that has nieces and nephews. I feel like being an aunt is such a precious experience that no one quite understands until they go through it. (Similar to motherhood, I’m sure. Although not quite as profound and powerful as that, but probably pretty close.) I mean, everyone loves babies, but the kind of love you have for your niece or nephew is pretty profound. Having a baby niece or nephew means unlimited opportunities to hold and play with an adorable baby that you can sort of call your own in a way. You can kind of take the credit when people comment on the baby and you can proudly claim that your niece or nephew is the most adorable baby ever. (Since that’s always the truth.)

It’s hard for me to put into words what I’m thinking right now. I just want to somehow explain this feeling, this experience of auntie-hood, of holding your new niece just mere hours after she was born, but it’s not really something that you can express in words. It’s almost like an aura of love that surrounds you and warms you from the inside out. It is a type of pride that bursts forth from your heart and leaves you feeling warm fuzzies and smiling to yourself for quite sometime after. It’s such an incredible experience. I can’t wait for my friends to experience it. Heck, if I feel this way about welcoming my new baby niece, then I certainly can’t wait to see what the experience feels like when I welcome my own baby! Talk about a seriously profound experience and love that is difficult to put into words.

As an aunt, I can hardly believe how fast my nieces and nephews grow up. I can’t believe it was a little over a year and a half ago that I rushed back home to meet my niece Lucy on the day she was born. And now she’s a toddler, a big sister, doing so many things for herself and with quite the little personality. Seeing my nieces and nephews grow up is such a wonderful experience and I can’t wait to see Eleanor grow and change in these next couple months. I already have so much love for her.

I’ve been feeling strangely apathetic towards tumblr lately. It doesn’t offer me the same amusement it did previously, yet I still keep coming back. I scroll through my dashboard quickly to see all the pictures I’ve missed since I was last on just so I can get on with what I originally got on my laptop for. It’s part of my internet routine: check Facebook, Twitter, personal email, school email, my favorite blogs (not on tumblr) and then tumblr.

Maybe because it’s the last in a long chain of things I can check quickly I get impatient with it. I’ve been on tumblr for about 2.5 years now, quite a long time actually. So maybe I’ve simply grown out of it. I love seeing all the pictures on my dashboard, but there are really only a select few blogs that I truly enjoy looking at and interacting with. Maybe if I pared down the list of blogs I follow, tumblr could also be a quick thing I can check, while still offering me amusement and not feeling like a burden that I can’t shake off.

The thing about tumblr, though, that keeps me coming back, is that it is something that I can waste time on, if I wanna be lazy and/or relax for a bit before diving into homework or something productive. I’m from the generation that grew up first with AIM, then Myspace, then Facebook, then Twitter and now tumblr to waste hours online with. It’s so ingrained in my brain, my routine, to spend hours on the internet each day. I’ve been doing it for years on various social media sites. What else would I do with my time? Isn’t that kind of sad to think about? My generation was growing up when the internet first started and now we don’t know a life without it. We’re so attached to it in a way that we can’t even explain. What starts out as something that brings you joy eventually turns into a burden that you carry around, that impedes your studies and takes away from your social life. 

I think maybe it’s time for me to step back from tumblr for a while. I’ve already been kind of doing that for a little while now. I don’t reblog as much anymore and I’ve lost interest in spending lots of time on tumblr. The blogs I follow are interesting, but it’s hard to keep up with so many. I prefer the more personal blogs that I follow outside of tumblr. They may not post as often, but what they post is so much more personal and intimate. I feel like I’ve gotten to know all the women behind those blogs so much better than a lot of the blogs I follow here on tumblr. 

That’s not to stay I’ll be gone from tumblr forever, though. I’ll still be around, just following less blogs and spending less time on here. I did this once 2 years ago (so weird to think I’ve been on tumblr that long) and was quite happy with how I was spending my time outside of tumblr. I had more time to read, which I loved, so I’m definitely looking forward to that again. Someday, I’m sure, I’ll leave tumblr forever. I’ll keep my blog as a reminder of this time in my life though. But as for right now, it’s time to simply step back.

Don’t mind me, just reblogging all things Love Actually since it’s my absolute favorite Christmas movie. (And I just watched it again, so I’m in the Love Actually mood :) )